Tell us how you feel about: Unicorns

In a bold move for our collective blog, I'm throwing a new thread out there for everyone's (hopefully) enjoyment and to expand our growing "trust circle". I mean, Maya shared her quasi-rational death fears and Greg has shared his anger with, well, pretty much everything. So without much more fanfare, I present Tell Us How You Feel About.

It's self-explanatory. We give the topic and our individual stance and you just read and follow suit. And to kick it off, what better topic is there than those mythical beasts of wonder and fascination: unicorns.

How do I feel about unicorns? I hate them. It's not about whether or not they exist or have ever existed. I couldn't care less. I just think they're stupid. Let me break it down for you.

1. Wow, a horse with a horn. Oooooh, big deal. Not impressed.
2. They remind me of Lisa Frank erasers and folders, which reminds me of the girls who owned said Lisa Frank paraphenalia in grade school, which reminds me of mean cliquey girls who thought they were super cool but ended up living in the suburbs with their high school "sweetheart", snotty Gap kids babies and "luxury" SUVs. No thanks.
3. I doubt unicorns would be friendly. In fact, I bet they'd be ill-tempered and quick to use their "magical" horn to impale you into a fencepost at the slightest insult.
4. In a fight with a lion, a unicorn would always lose. Hands down. I can't respect that.
5. After centuries of unadultered adoration, unicorns probably have gigantic, undeserved egos. They most likely think their unicorn droppings smell like rainbows and glitter. News flash: unicorns are a kind of horse. they don't smell nice at all.

Your turn. How do you feel about unicorns?

if you're not awesome, you're out

I am a woman of theories. I think I have the world somewhat figured out, and although I am completely aware this is a self-induced delusion, I feel compelled to spout my theories as gospel. But then there are the theories or systems or whatever stupid buzz word you like to call them that really ring true, like how I determine who to befriend.

I hate being bored. It's probably my most despised thing (except for ranch dressing, which is the most atrocious development in the history of humanity). With my hatred for boredom in mind, it's accurate to assume I don't like or befriend boring people. So that's any easy befriending issue. But what about all those people who don't fall in the completely and utterly boring category? Let me break it down for you.

Say we're meeting for the first time. You have about 15 seconds to reel me in and prove that I should at the least continue this interaction. If you bore me or push any of my numerous buttons during this time, you're going in either the "hate you" or the "mere acquaintance" group. It may sound like a snap judgment, but it's not. I'm just smart and observant and know what I like in the people I surround myself with.

And this method has paid off. While I have a vast group of acquaintances and casual friends, my true friends are the most interesting, talented and smart people I've ever met. (Feel free to blush if you fall in this group.) It's not like it's a static list, like where someone has to die or something to make room for a new friend. But just by investing this first 15 seconds, I figure I've saved myself thousands of hours of wasted time with people I don't even really like (note: thousands is by no means a scientific measurement, just the estimate by this self-important blogger).

So the moral of this tirade? Stop wasting your time with stupid people.