Anthropomorphism

I wrote a new blog for you to read.


Actually, no I didn't. April Fools motherfuckers!

I got you good, didn't I? You had no idea it was coming. One minute you were filled with joy, and in less than a second, I took it all away.

I imagine you are depressed now, and I can understand that. You came here expecting something, and got something totally different. Maybe I intrigued you by titling my post "Anthropomorphism", maybe not. I wouldn't think about it too much if I were you, it was just one of the words that randomly popped into my head. I thought it was neat, so I'm sharing it will all your asses. Here's another one, for old times sakes:

Transubstantiation. That's when Catholics eat Jesus (definitely in a non-sexual way...maybe). Mmmm, Jesus meat. Well, its still bread and wine... but when you put it in your mouth, MAGIC.

Anyways... when the hell did April 1st decide to be the biggest dick out of all the days of the year? I mean, I like April. It's warm outside, plants and shit are starting to grow, and everything wants to have sex. But amidst it all you've got April Fools Day, standing there like that chronic masturbator guy that lives on your floor of the apartment building and constantly locks himself in the laundry room.... What I'm trying to say is, you know he's there, but you sure as hell don't talk about him or agree to come over for dinner (and it might be prudent to wash clothes at the laundry mat).

Honestly, April Fools Day really cramping my routine. Is posting a link to what I thought was spoilers about who the new Batman would be but in reality was a link to lemon party considered funny? This shit is serious! Don't toy with me (or get me fired for pulling up a picture of old men playing with each others shriveled wieners).

So, to set this day straight, wanna know what I think is funny and would make for good April Fools Day pranks?

Call up a cancer patient and telling them that their tests came back negative.... APRIL FOOLS!

Send loads of boxes to Darfur labeled food and fresh water, but when those wonderful hopeful people open them up, the boxes are full of nothing but sand! APRIL FOOLS!

Tell your boyfriend that the test came back negative and that you really AREN'T pregnant. Then, nine months later... APRIL FOOLS! (Note: it may take a pro to pull this one off).

Stand on the deck of a aircraft carrier and declaring that the war in Iraq was a success.... APRIL FOOLS AMERICA! (Note: this one gets progressively funnier every year).

These are just a few, I swear I have literally tens more that I could share. But I don't want to ruin the element of surprise.

(Side note: I need to buy a van.)

(Side, side note: Any of your chemistry folks know how to make chloroform?)